Late June in Yosemite
Rolling up on 8 months Sober in a couple days. Am I free of constraint or addiction? No. Is my life a little more manageable? Yes. Am I happy with the progress I feel? Yes. Have all my problems been solved? No.
Am I still making mistakes and falling into old patterns? Yes.
Im trying. Im trying. Im doing my best. Am I really doing my best? I don’t know. I don’t know my best..
I am turning my life and my will over to the care of my Higher Power(God/Love/Jah/Ahhhhh). This I have faith in. This helps me relax. This helps me lessen the anxiety of having to “do things right” or perfect, or just not not wrong.
I’m getting outside, barefoot, in the river, on rocks, with friends, running, taking it slow, reading books, watching movies, busy being in love with my girlfriend Cami, going to meetings, taking accountability in different areas of my life, and and and and and and and……. Im doing a lot. Sometimes it feels like nothing at all.. Weird this life is. Beautiful this life is.
I did an hour of Asana(yoga) and 30 minutes of meditation today. I made a to do list. Im busy, but also relaxed. Im stoked to have things to do, but also stoked to not feel much pressure.
I want to have pure intentions. I feel like I do. I feel like I have “good intentions” and I trust my intuition. I try not to resist anything. Im trying not to force anything. Theres things I want to do, but Im trying to allow them into my life. Trying to be in flow with the universe.
Sometimes Im happy and sometimes Im sad. Sometimes I deny and blame and push and want to run away. Im grateful I get to choose to sit with it and express top others and myself.
Im noticing more. Im feeling more aware on a regular basis. A really important lesson I’ve learned on and off and over and over again through my life. “pay attention” in school, let go on the highline, “think before you speak”, teaching yoga, active listening in a relationship, making love, and much more. The lesson of awareness is everywhere. I still get lost, but I notice Im getting better at noticing when it happens and Im being kinder when it does. Im so grateful for this. It is helping my life, and helping me stay connected with people better. Its helping me have more joy and love in my life. It’s helping me feel more in flow with life. AWARENESS. It’s helping me share my feelings. AWARENESS. WOAH. What a trip awareness is. The best experience I could have asked for.
Learning a lesson over and over is frustrating at times, but its a lot better than not learning at all. It’s a lot better than being given up on or giving up. Im done giving up. I tried that enough in my life. Im committed and ready to stay committed.
Ill be 28 in a little over a month. Late 20’s. woah. I feel like I was 16 a couple days ago. Im grateful for this experience and time Ive been given. Im grateful and Im ready to show up more through awareness.
I want to love others and be loved by others. I don’t want to be selfish anymore. I want to give to others. I want to serve God and God’s creation. Not milk it for what it’s worth.
I feel more worthy. I feel like I belong here. This was the case when I was really really young, but it’s been awhile. I learned some lessons wrong and have had to unlearn and still Im unlearning, so I can learn “right”.
Im thankful for God and people who have been patient with me. For those who have grace and humility. Im thankful for those who embrace and share the light. Im grateful for those who have been through the dark and show up as them and share them and choose life and love.
I love you
You are worthy
Thank you.
I took this picture in Argentina. It reminds more to be where Im at. It reminds me to be aware that I leave a mark wherever I go. It represents a lot to me. What does it represent to you?
