Shadow

Im my worst enemy.

I hold myself back more than anyone ever has.

I’ve hurt myself more than anything else has.

I hurt myself because I convince myself I need it.

I hate that I can be so disrespectful, unkind, absent, and be filled with so much doubt.

I don’t want to be in the shadows any more.

I don’t want to be hidden.

I don’t want to hurt myself or others.

I crave a healthy relationship with myself so I can have healthy relationships and friendships.

I want to show up for me so I can show up for others.

I need to heal me.

I need to love me.

Hurting myself, restricting myself, hiding myself, ignoring my reality all create crisis and pain.

I’m tired of not speaking my truth.

I need a change, I need me to just be me and not hide anything in the shadow.

I need to be naked, barefoot, and dirty. Completely spread, touched and seen by the sun.

I need to love myself better.

I deserve my love.

I have learned so much this past year. I am a better version of myself but I still don’t feel like myself.

Who am I when part of me isn’t in the shadows.

I haven’t known that person in a long time. Maybe I’ve had glimpses.

I’m scared. The part of me in the shadow, is hurting me, which i know hurts others, directly.

It lashes out at others, hides(lying), pulls a curtain of negativity over my space, and limits my ability to live fully, openly, and honestly.

I might not be ready, but I’m going to try. I can stand bare, in the light, for the world to see all of me. I rather risk it all and fail miserably than to never give it an honest go. Id rather die trying than to half ass it any longer.

I have to be honest to the world. I’m closer to giving up on life than I ever have been.

Which Is why it’s time to commit more than I ever have. Time to live my absolute truth. To die trying, or to create the life of my dreams.

I believe in myself, and I always have. However doubt has been an equal contender.

In a way it’s balance. I’m not trying to change it. Im just trying to love it all.

Im grateful for all of the parts of me covered in shadow.

Im grateful to have a shadow

It’s scary to post this. It’s scary being vulnerable.

It’s more scary to think about hiding for the rest of my life.

I love you shadow, Let’s show you to the world :)